Perfectionism

Lately I’ve been sitting with my own ongoing work around perfectionism.

Intellectually, most of us know perfection is unattainable. We know mistakes are part of being human. We know growth requires missteps. And yet… when we are the ones who fall short, many of us become our own harshest critics.

It’s easy to say: “I would never…” “How could they…”

Until we’re in the moment ourselves — navigating stress, fear, exhaustion, old patterns, unconscious wounds, and circumstances we didn’t choose. We are far more complex than our best intentions, and much of what influences our decisions lives outside of conscious awareness.

Perfectionism doesn’t disappear just because we understand it intellectually. In fact, every time we punish ourselves for making a mistake, we quietly reinforce the very standard we say we don’t believe in.

So what’s to be done?

When our minds are stuck in judgment, our hearts can still soften. When we feel at our worst, that is often when we need our own compassion the most. Instead of tightening, we can practice leaning in — offering ourselves the same grace we would offer someone we love.

Not because our actions don’t matter. But because shame has never been a sustainable path to growth.

Gentleness is not giving up. It’s choosing a different way forward.

If perfectionism, self-criticism, or burnout are getting in the way of your well-being or relationships, therapy can help you untangle these patterns with compassion and clarity.